Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head

Five Thought on the Pop Masterpiece Known as Rihanna’s "Umbrella"

1. Jay-Z’s introductory verse is perfect. Not so much because it’s quality (it’s pretty terrible, actually), but because it sets our man Hov up as the apple of our heroine’s eyes. More tabloid fodder or unrequited love letter? Check mate, Beyoncé.

2. Pitchfork’s Tom Breihan faults "Umbrella" for the "disconnect between Rihanna’s cold, clinical delivery and the comforting warmth of the lyrics." I can understand the comfort offered by the song’s titular promise, but I don’t exactly see the "warmth" in the image of two sopping wet lovers, blanketed by a downpour ("Now that it’s raining more than ever..."), huddling under a fucking umbrella. Not a canopy, not an awning, not even a shack. A measly umbrella. The shit is actually a little depressing, in an odd, ambiguous sort of way.

3. Going further on the "warmth" tip, there already exists a disconnect between the songs lyrics and the production surround Rihanna's voice. The chilling effect of those screeching, slightly off-pitch synths, whirling around the proceedings like an amassing thunderstorm, establish the potentially doomed yet enthralling atmosphere. One of the many joys of Rihanna’s career has been her growing ability to take risks (this is the girl who lifted almost the entirety of "Tainted Love", for chrissakes) and "Umbrella"’s expert blurring of genres – from electro-pop-infused R&B to R&B-infused electro-pop – is by far greatest artistic leap, in every sense of the word.

4. The VIDEO. You've seen it by now, I'm sure. If not, there’s Rihanna, umbrellas (naturally), sparks-as-raindrops, Rihanna in French maid costume and, umm, Rihanna in silver body paint sitting in triangular box. Yeah. It’s a hot, glorious mess, almost as hallucinatory as the song itself.

5. It’s raining/ Oh, baby, it’s raining/ Baby, come into me/ Come into me...

You had me at "ella", Rihanna.